Tackling the Terrible/Terrific Twos

Tara:

Potty training is one of the most difficult parenting situations I have yet encountered.  There are so many differing opinions on how it should be done, when it should be done, and who should instigate it.  Do I just take the diapers away once and for all, or does that make him have potty anxiety the rest of his life?  Do I wait for him to decide it’s time, or does that mean it never happens?  Do you teach him at 6 months or 3 years?  And what really is the point of a Pull-Up??  Am I the only one who thinks it’s a more expensive version of a diaper with “big-boy” cartoons instead of Sesame Street?  If you can’t tell, we’re having potty training problems!

We started potty training when he was around a year old.  We went to the store and he picked out the little Royal Potty.  It sings when he goes, the seat clips to a real toilet for transitioning, and it was not even too expensive.  We didn’t push potty training, just introduced it as an option.  And he liked his new option.  He sat on his potty when we sat on ours.  He often went #1 while sitting on his potty.  It sang.  He was way ahead of his peers and very happy with his grown-up abilities.  We were proud parents.

His diapers were usually dry in the mornings, so we started being consistent with sitting on the potty first thing after he woke up.  He would always go!  Then he learned to go on demand.  Whenever we took a potty break, he would go.  His diapers were rarely wet even during the day.  So we decided to buy him underwear!!  He picked them out.  He always wanted to wear them.  They almost never got wet.  Great, right?  Except we overlooked one little thing with this new step – the dreaded #2.  It is not fun cleaning poopoo out of cartooned cotton underwear…  In fact, it’s gross and difficult.  So we thought, “Happy medium = the Pull-Up.”  And a whole new series of problems arose: Pull-Ups are not reusable like underwear, not uncomfortable or even noticeable when he has an “accident,” is just as cool as underwear to a 1-year-old, and are outrageously expensive.  “No problem,” we thought, “the Pull-Up is temporary until he learns to go #2 in the potty too!”  That was close to two years ago.

Why? If it’s not broke, why fix it?  It is not uncomfortable for him to go in his Pull-Up and it’s not unbearable for me to change him when he goes in his Pull-Up, why would we ever graduate from the Pull-Up?  Plus since then, we moved, my husband started a time consuming Master’s program, and Robert got a new baby brother.  All in all, we are at a potty impasse.

There are days he decides to wear underwear and never has an accident.  There are days he will have nothing to do with the underwear or the singing potty.  There are days he tries to wear his brother’s diapers and drink formula from a bottle (okay, I’m exaggerating slightly).  I was told not to push potty training after the baby came because Robert was going to feel somewhat neglected and he would naturally regress.  What I was not told was that it was okay to push just a little before the baby came… 

At this point, if I pushed at all he would get anxious about accidents and it would become a power struggle.  I try to encourage underwear during the day, but with our other little one, we often forget to try the potty every 45 minutes.  It is no longer fun for Robert to potty train.  I guess my next step is to talk about preschool – since most schools don’t accept kids who are not potty trained – and be as attentive and consistent as possible towards potty progression and in every aspect of his little life.  As for what I have learned from the fiasco, I am starting potty training with Isaac now.

I have a friend who potty trained her little one at 6 months.  She didn’t have to deal with the emotions and preferences of a 2-year-old.  She knew when her baby usually went and just held her over the toilet while doing sign language for potty.  The baby still wears a diaper just in case, but now when she needs to go, baby does the sign and Mom gets her to a potty! 

I’ve done some research and this is how they do potty training throughout most of the world.  It makes sense that without the diapers and Pull-Ups, kids learn faster.  And it seems when they start that young, there isn’t the baggage of “I had an accident, which means I’m bad.”  The potty stuff is just second nature by the time they get to that phase.  I am giving this method a try with Isaac.  I’ll have to get back to you on whether it works out!